Looking for an Assistant at an extremely fast growing ecommerce business. [CLOSED]

I do not believe in wasting time and hence I will keep this short. I am Oliver and I own The Olivers Company in the UK we sell everything from Mascaras to Mobile Phones. We sell at the moment around 20,000 pounds worth of stock a week and that is just with me behind the wheel. Im looking for someone to join me and help this grow to the biggest ecommerce company in Britain. And thats not a typo, the BEST in Britain. Here are a quick few bullet points of what is prefered but not necessary. Im looking for someone that is hard working but also thinks outside the box to solve problems when they arise. Is extremely driven and wants to progress up the ladder quickly. There will be tonnes of opportunities to move up and to work on commision on top of the base salary for the successful candidate. Before continuing and to see you have read all of this please add in your response the words 'Yellow Tiger'
Here are some advisable traits Im looking for.

1. Fluent in English and has no problem with creative writing:

2. Experience with online selling platforms:

3. The ability to respond to Customer service issues as they arise and be able to think outside of the box:

4. Experience advertising - Online:

5. Experience with Social networks:

6. Can speak different languages to open up different markets

Salary negotiable upon experience.
Thanks
Oliver